Friday, October 30, 2009


Halloween! It's almost here! I can't wait to celebrate the birth of, oh wait, the freedom of... no, that's not it. Our Irish... hmm... what are we celebrating again?

Oh yes! Murder, evil, trickery, and fear!!!!! My neighbors have already decorated for the season with bloody butcher knives and a headstone that says, "You're next!" stuck to their front window. I think I am gonna head over there first.

Actually, it turns out that it's "illegal" for "college students" to go "trick-or-treating" in "Rexburg". So, I am skipping class to think up a new strategy for tomorrow night. Here's what I've got so far:


1. Get candy
2. For free
3. Avoid arrest

Plan A: Obtain switchblade from neighborhood Wal-Mart store. Follow children around. Cut hole in children's trick-or treat bags. Collect trail of candy.

Plan B: Dress as Obama. Ensure parents that their candy will be split equally among all trick-or-treaters. Take candy home for self and friends. Accept Nobel Peace Prize.

Plan C: Inform parents giving out candy that their house is on fire. Agree to risk life to continue "giving out" bowl of candy. After, light house on fire to destroy evidence.

Plan D: Dress as Phantom of the Opera. Turn off power at houses giving out candy. Threaten there are more tricks where that came from over loudspeaker. Instruct parents that their children are at risk if they don't keep their hand at the level of their eye. Collect candy.

My Promise: As a law-abiding citizen, I agree to uphold the statutes of the Rexburg Constitution by following the "No college student trick-or-treaters" law. Fortunately, the loopholes above will provide optimum opportunity for celebration while allowing me to demonstrate my integrity as a citizen of this great town.

Happy Halloween, Rexburg! I can't wait to see all the floozy witch, floozy fairy, floozy bumblebee, floozy vampire, and floozy Michael Jackson costumes you all come up with!