Thursday, August 7, 2008

Ten? I Can Think of Ten Million.

Top Ten Greatest Things That Ever Happen

(note: list in order of appearance in my stream of consciousness)

10. Finding money on the ground- is there anything sweeter than glancing up from double-knotting your shoes only to be greeted by dear Brother George Washington?  I mean, seriously, it rivals finding the cure for cancer.  I once found 20 bucks on the ground only to have it snatched away by a boy who'd said he lost it.  That incident would go on my list of Top Ten Worst Things That Ever Happen.  He gave me 2 bucks for finding it, though.  The cheap dirtbag.

9. Sneezing - Few bodily functions offer as much satisfaction as sneezing.  Especially when people say "God Bless You" afterwards.  I mean, not only do they acknowledge your sudden discharge of saliva, they also gently plea for the welfare of your soul.  Much like the Pledge of Allegiance, the ever considerate "God Bless You" has taken a backseat to the less taboo "Bless You," which I find unfortunate.  

8. Getting Braces Off - Oh wait...that never happens.

7.  Waking Up Before Your Alarm Goes Off - There's something strangely satisfying about beating your alarm clock even if it's at 3:00 A.M.  It's like stickin it to the man, you know.  Breaking the shackles of monotonous obligation that give an alarm clock its power.  

6. Talking in Your Sleep - It doesn't matter what you say. When you're asleep, it's all funny.  

5.  Sticking Your Head Out a Car Window - heh heh whoo, that's a rush.  In the event of front seat passenger drool, slow-reflexed bugs, or side swiping vehicles however, this Top Ten Greatest Things That Ever Happen item will become null and void. 

4. Falling Backwards in a Chair - Funnier when it happens to somebody else.  Also funny when other people fall in general.  Like how Rachel slipped on the ice in Rexburg when my sudden "Ooh!" at finding 12 cents on the ground startled her.

3. Getting a Message on Facebook - Wall Posts, notifications, pokes, comments, blah blah blah.  The real juicy stuff always comes through messages on facebook.  Seeing a simple (1) next to "Inbox" honestly makes my heart skip a beat.  

2. Finding Freak M&Ms - Quasimodo M&Ms taste better than the rest.  I also love finding peanut M&Ms that are missing a peanut.  Such discoveries cause me to reflect on the universal weakness of mankind.  At one point or another we've all sent the peanut M&M off without its peanut.  Just like all the times I've told fat jokes in front of fat friends :(  

1.  Candid Camera For Reals - Moments in which you look around and think, " I on candid camera or did that really just happen."  For example, I was walking by myself some feet away from an overweight middle aged woman when she stopped in front of a house, looked around, grabbed a little girl's bike from the yard and rode off only to return the bike moments later and continue on her way.  "Wow," I said to myself.  "That lady really just took an eight- year-old's bike for a joy ride."'s a true story.

In conclusion, life is pretty dang good.