Friday, October 17, 2008

Top 5 Worst Things that Ever Happen

So, I was thinking. Now that I have written about the Top 10 Greatest Things that Ever Happen, it would be foolish not to pair it with the Top 5 Worst Things that Ever Happen. That way, we can partake of the fruit. Enjoy the knowledge of good and evil. In case you were wondering, I mostly like to live in as much ignorance as possible, so I am only going to allow myself to think of 5 bad things. Once again these are in order of how they came into my mind.

1. Sneezing Right After Applying Mascara
With the concentration of a heart surgeon, mouth wide open, eyes popped, you slide the mascara wand across your delicate lashes making sure each wet ball spreads evenly to the tips. Sniffle sniffle achoo. Voila, you're an emo. Then you have to wipe it off with wet tissue getting white residue on your cheekbones and rubbing foundation off in patches in the process. Fuh-rust-trate-ing.

2. Clothes Falling Off of Hangers
You're in TJ Maxx arms full of clothes to try on when you spot the cutest jacket ever. As you go to grab it, it leaps onto the floor, hanger and all. You bend your knees, lowering yourself like a pregnant lady, and pick up the jacket from the sleeve when the hanger tumbles to the tile below. By then, I'd just drop the jacket, step on it, then walk away. Not really. Ha, that reminds me. When we were kids, one of my brothers once, I won't name names, said in a way only Eric could say, "Just throw it on the ground, that way the janitors will be happy they can do their job." Man, he's got a lot of faith in the intrinsic motivation of the business world.

3. Barfing in a Taco Bell Parking Lot
The funny thing is, I hadn't even eaten there yet. Imagine that. I was in the "ghetto" of Colorado (yup, it even had creepy gas stations) when it happened. My friends were inside Taco Bell and I was sitting on the sidewalk after puking into a vacant parking spot (don't worry, it wasn't the handicapped parking). I turned to see a ripped black man who was ripped in a tank top that showed off his rippedness with a Doo Rag on his head approaching me. He came up and said, "Hey, are you alright? Do you need me to buy you a drink or something?" Nice guy. I think he might have thought I was drunk by the way he was talking to me. I wasn't.

4. Asking a Question to Someone Who Doesn't Hear You
What are you supposed to do. Ask it again? Then everyone who DID hear you will make fun of you or laugh at your awkwardness. Don't ask it again? Then everyone who DID here you will be waiting for you to ask it. Also, you might never know the answer (not that we care about the answers to many questions we ask anyways.)

5. Writer's Block

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Invitation to Inspiration

Sometimes when I'm in a computer lab, I like to type random letters real fast just so people think I am a typing wizard.  I was doing that just a second ago.  It makes me feel like those old fashioned secretaries.  Hmm... has anyone really ever examined their notes?  I'd bet they all just say aslkdjfowncekneewjojfaw.  Yup.  People around here are lookin' at me wishing they could type that fast.
My best friend, Doree and I were just trying to write some lyrics for our big break at Music Outlet.  We (I) came up with some rich stuff.  Lucky for us, you don't need any musical talent to perform there, just an original song.  Now I'm not saying talented people haven't performed there before but...  
Well, it appears that I care an awful lot about what other people think.  Not in that insecure sort of way.  More like in that cocky sort of way.  Yeah, that's it.  I want people to know I am a typing wizard and know I am a music outlet maestro.  That way they can think, man if that girl can do it, anyone can!  I like to think of myself as an inspiration, really.  If you have any stories about me being inspirational in achieving your dreams, feel free to write to me.