Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Don't Bother Me. I'm Breathing.

The last two times I've tried to write in my blog, I have fallen asleep. I bore myself. That is saying something because I could be entertained in a square, white room with my hands strapped to my back.

I don't see why everyone has to bother me to actually do things. "Anna, let's go to your best friend's birthday party," or "Anna, you can't leave a three-year-old by himself," or "Anna, you should probably get that checked out." "Excuse me," I say, "You are interrupting my breathing."

That's why I try to surround myself with easily entertained people.

1. They are a rewarding audience, laughing at simple gibberish words or toot jokes
2. They understand my efficient energy saving techniques some refer to as laziness
3. They tell the best toot jokes.

Hmm... negatives of being childlike and carefree... think, think, think.

Looking back, I have always been easily entertained. As kids, Doree and I invented a brilliant game in which we would roll a foosball ball on the carpet towards a goal. When we made
a goal, we could eat a chip.

Another time we layed in my hallway upstairs gargling melodies for about an hour. We even used to memorize all the answers from the first edition of Nintendo Jeopardy. The only competition was who could buzz in the fastest. (FYI: if the question includes the word "snake", the answer's an asp.)

And I'll never forget when Doree pushed me all the way from her house to my house in a bright blue wheelbarrow, a feat rivaling Everest.

Simple entertainment has existed forever. Look at marbles, jacks, paddleball, and calculus for example. Easily entertained people, may as well be dubbed the creative geniuses of our time.

Needless to say, creative genius flourishes in Rexburg, Idaho.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Post is Longer and Perhaps More Intelligent Than Your Post

My name is Anna Liggett and I am an over achiever. What's so wrong with that? I showed up to class for a book presentation yesterday with a giant tiger's head I had mounted on cardboard, an elaborate display complete with carefully picked book quotes, and even animal crackers to complete the theme. Okay, and I sort of coordinated my outfit to match the display. It was, well, cute.

I may have also spent an hour and a half writing a resume as a fictitious character or looked up the spelling of 'fictitious' just to make sure it was spelled right. You can roll your eyes all you want, but nobody hates over achievers as much as over achievers hate over achievers.

If you want to see a whole package of over achievers wrapped with a tight, gold ribbon, just check out the English majors. As everyone knows, no one better than English majors themselves, English majors are intellectual elitists. In a classroom of these bright builders of America, a common discussion goes as follows:

Teacher: "Good Literature," must write dramatically on board. ...e-r-a-t-u-r-e circle, circle, underline, a couple dots for good measure, "What is good literature?"

Students: Intellectual elitism look on their face.

Over Achiever 1: "Good literature should cause change in the world."

Over Achiever 2: "I am gonna play devil's advocate here," because I am so open minded and intellectually advanced enough to see both sides of any issue and not feel emotionally attached to either side so I can make anyone look like he is wrong, "But, what about all the good books that don't cause change in the world?"

Over Achiever 3: Oh, he set me up so well. I just need to name an author and a title and everyone will think I actually read in my free time. "Yeah, like... uh... like. Oh, it just left me. Harpo Lee To Kill a Mockingbird. Boo Radley."

Over Achiever 4: Deno, no... connotation? No it's 'D' for definition. "I guess we all need to agree on the denotation of 'good' when referring to literature"

English Major Who Fell Through the Over Achiever Cracks: "One word. Twilight!!!!!"

Over Achiever 5: "I think we need to be the change we want to see in the world."

English majors, including myself, often think they are smarter than they really are, which means they think they are smarter than everyone ever. They pretend to idolize prominent figures, when in fact, these figures become little more than their nemeses. As such, they seek to subtly backhand these figures where possible.

"Ahem. I admire the literary merit of Edgar Allan Poe. Although his maniacal plot lines leave us questioning his sanity, his legacy lives on." Or else, "Mark Twain was a master of satire, but he hated Mormons. Boo." Or, "Wordsworth uses simple words to express his simple appreciation of the complex serenity we call 'nature'."

Man, this post just reaffirms my proper place as an English major. My voicemail even says, "So you've come to the master for guidance. Is that what you're saying, grasshoppa?" Dang, that is so Eng. Maj.