Top Ten Greatest Things That Ever Happen
(note: list in order of appearance in my stream of consciousness)
10. Finding money on the ground- is there anything sweeter than glancing up from double-knotting your shoes only to be greeted by dear Brother George Washington? I mean, seriously, it rivals finding the cure for cancer. I once found 20 bucks on the ground only to have it snatched away by a boy who'd said he lost it. That incident would go on my list of Top Ten Worst Things That Ever Happen. He gave me 2 bucks for finding it, though. The cheap dirtbag.
9. Sneezing - Few bodily functions offer as much satisfaction as sneezing. Especially when people say "God Bless You" afterwards. I mean, not only do they acknowledge your sudden discharge of saliva, they also gently plea for the welfare of your soul. Much like the Pledge of Allegiance, the ever considerate "God Bless You" has taken a backseat to the less taboo "Bless You," which I find unfortunate.
8. Getting Braces Off - Oh wait...that never happens.
7. Waking Up Before Your Alarm Goes Off - There's something strangely satisfying about beating your alarm clock even if it's at 3:00 A.M. It's like stickin it to the man, you know. Breaking the shackles of monotonous obligation that give an alarm clock its power.
6. Talking in Your Sleep - It doesn't matter what you say. When you're asleep, it's all funny.
5. Sticking Your Head Out a Car Window - heh heh whoo, that's a rush. In the event of front seat passenger drool, slow-reflexed bugs, or side swiping vehicles however, this Top Ten Greatest Things That Ever Happen item will become null and void.
4. Falling Backwards in a Chair - Funnier when it happens to somebody else. Also funny when other people fall in general. Like how Rachel slipped on the ice in Rexburg when my sudden "Ooh!" at finding 12 cents on the ground startled her.
3. Getting a Message on Facebook - Wall Posts, notifications, pokes, comments, blah blah blah. The real juicy stuff always comes through messages on facebook. Seeing a simple (1) next to "Inbox" honestly makes my heart skip a beat.
2. Finding Freak M&Ms - Quasimodo M&Ms taste better than the rest. I also love finding peanut M&Ms that are missing a peanut. Such discoveries cause me to reflect on the universal weakness of mankind. At one point or another we've all sent the peanut M&M off without its peanut. Just like all the times I've told fat jokes in front of fat friends :(
1. Candid Camera For Reals - Moments in which you look around and think, "hmm...am I on candid camera or did that really just happen." For example, I was walking by myself some feet away from an overweight middle aged woman when she stopped in front of a house, looked around, grabbed a little girl's bike from the yard and rode off only to return the bike moments later and continue on her way. "Wow," I said to myself. "That lady really just took an eight- year-old's bike for a joy ride." Yes...it's a true story.
In conclusion, life is pretty dang good.
4 comments:
Holy freakin' crap. Could that post be even funnier or more true. These, my friend, are truly the simple pleasures in life. I am currently at work and laughed out loud like a crazy person. I seem to do that a lot, and my coworkers just think I am an ultra happy person. Just like that one time when your Mom took us to Home Town Buffett and I started laughing out loud by myself as I was getting some self serve icecream. People thought I was crazy, and you know what, maybe I am. Maybe I am.
Oh wow Anna you have outdone yourself yet again. I was all LOL at the public library and people were looking at me. Brava, brava!
LOL (I love that Eric writes that) I think you are funny. That fat lady experience is hilarious. I was going to write another word but wasn't sure how to spell it...usually I would just go for it but I feel inferior to your spelling ability; I'm intimidated. I hate waking up before the alarm clock.
Anna, How are you so freaking funny all of the time? Will your write my life story? (And make it better than it really is)
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