Fear Everything

Doing yardwork makes me jumpy. A branch grazing the top of my head feels like a bird stealthily launching itself into my hair, rolling leaves look like scurrying mice, and any itch must be a giant bug crawling up my pant leg or arm or neck.

You know what else makes me jumpy? Going to the doctor's office. The doctor always walks in right when you are licking the last tongue depressor or before you can get your napkin outfit properly situated.

Zoos also make me jumpy. I can't help but imagine myself toppling into the lion's pit or getting tapped on the shoulder by a giant gorilla. You know, zoos are almost as scary as an overflowing toilet. Almost. Don't worry, though, the glass and bars that come up to your hip will protect you from the unpredictable animals six times your size who endure the stares and taunting of passersby everyday.